Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
