arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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