U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
