Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
