Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
