Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
