Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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