There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
