We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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