you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
