On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
