I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
