First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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