I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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