Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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