I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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