ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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