Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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