Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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