sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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