Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
