new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He shit in the fireplace
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
