I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
