Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Houston, we have a squirter
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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