Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
