Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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