I cut my penus on the lid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
