I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
