So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
