she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
