he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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