I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
