wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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