The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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