Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
