So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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