He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize