Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
