Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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