My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
