was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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