Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
