this beer tastes like vomit already
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
