New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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