Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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