I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
