i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
nutella sex= disaster
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize