whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
