Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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