im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
