a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
