A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
