I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
