Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize