That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
