There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
