dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
