My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
