But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
