it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
