You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
