Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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