Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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