how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
