If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I forget how to act sober
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