Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
