her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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