I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
