So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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