Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
